One Night Stands (NSFW)

So that just happened. No one and no movie really explains how this works to the detail, so I’m prepared to do so now.

First of all: 

Small Talk

  • Skip it – Nothing is more awkward then the two of you just standing around talking about you day and what class your taking and how’s school and ‘wow you look great’ bullshit. (I don’t care and I know you don’t either)


  • Use it – When it comes to having sex, music is always a must have in my bedroom. No one likes to be having sex and not have a jam to twerk too. Plus it totally takes away a fraction of the awkwardness and self-loathing you might be feeling.

Dude why aren’t you staying hard

  • This one is fun, so he isn’t staying big and I am not getting ‘happy’ and he actually laughed.

Did you seriously just laugh

  • Yes, yes he did – What kind of response to kissing you neck is a laugh, unless your ticklish – but he wasn’t – unless your sensitive – not that either. Because you’re a sarcastic asshole who doesn’t appreciate a good neck bite and then makes me look like a twat? Bingo.


  • He lays down next to me after he finishes and again, laughs. Then rolls over and grabs my hip and tries to make out with me. Granted he is a terrible, awful, awful kisser. Awful.

If he’s an awful, awful kisser.

  • Run. 
  • Because chances are he isn’t going to be good anywhere else, in experience; guys or girls who can not kiss can not fuck. Stop sucking on my lower lip like a damn animal.
  • No stop sticking your tongue on the inside of my lip.
  • I think he just blew into my mouth.
  • Dude is my lip bleeding?

Then he asks me if I want a cigarette, so I say yes and I get up to go to the bathroom and when i come back he is staring at himself in the mirror, touching his business. Seriously? Then he goes to the bathroom, meanwhile I am putting my clothes back on cause things can not get more awkward than this. I love when I speak too soon. Because when we went to my porch to smoke, he started making that god damn small talk that I hate so much. And I got the feeling that he really wanted to leave, and ladies, when that feeling comes make sure you pursue it. Nothing is worse than staying longer than you have to, so smoke that cigarette – you deserve it champ – and kick the dick out. 

Have no shame.

  • You both know why he came over, so there is not reason to beat around the bush and keep him there longer then he needs to be.
  • Mention something about work or school. It’s really, really cliche but it works haha I never thought it would be so easy to get out of something. 

Moral of the story is I don’t think I will be having any O.N.S. in a very long time, I am hanging up my slut towel. At least for now.




What makes us human?

Lines, thats all we are, lines in the sand of what makes us human. The skies scream for us to look at it, but we are too blinded by the thirst for money, power and beauty. I don’t remember the last time i got a good nights sleep, sleep is just the absence of you. consciously closing my eyes and knowing you are not there makes sleeping non existent, almost like you. gone. gone before the day turns bright and gone long enough to make sure it stays dark forever. you’re the kind that leaves imprints on peoples lives, changes them, makes them grow into another supreme being of their former self. but why can’t i change? this devil defines who i am and these devils will end up killing me. let go of the past they say, and then what? look towards the narrowing and less promising future that no longer flashes in my direction. have we gone mad here? has the whole world forgotten sanity, forgotten the very place we set our foot when we walk defines so much in such a small detail. and those small details are what make us human.

Blank Pages

Blank pages.

We are the blank pages that fill up with coffee spills instead of pen marks.

We are the blank pages that create loneliness instead of creativity.

We are the blank pages to a notebook sitting untouched for years.

We are the blank pages that are torn out.

We are the blank pages that never express a love story.

You are the blank page I will never write about.

And I am the book.

Raging Wars

There is a war raging in my mind and it wont let me sleep, it wont let me be happy and it wont let me move on. The mental block is as permanent as his leaving, as permanent as the scar he left. I can’t hear the birds singing anymore, just flying away, and the breathing of this house is leaving me breathless. I am suffocating in this water and you are watching me drown, I am gasping for air and you are the one holding me down. Let go. Let me go because this ride is going to end soon and you better be prepared to get off because this back and forth I have going on in my head is holding me back from being happy. You, are holding me back from being happy. How does that feel? Knowing you are the reason for my pain, the reason for my suffering. I blame you I hope you know; I blame everything on you because you promised me something and then ripped it out like you were shooting that gun. Shut your mouth and turn around because nobody else is coming close to me until I am sane again, and since you left me I don’t know when that will be.


Life is not real. Don’t believe what they tell you in books or school because life isn’t just a motion we go through, it is about loving others, reaching your full potential and getting a good paying job right?


-well sort of.

It’s about surviving high school, getting into a school worth remembering (surviving that school), making your parents proud, and falling in love (not necessarily in that order). At this exact moment I have successfully completed one of those four things. That one being surviving high school. And even then I’m not sure I really survived. I just graduated and guess what, I am not going to Harvard, Yale, Stanford, or Emery, that is unless they lowered their G.P.A standings down to 2.3.

I didn’t make my parents proud when I told them I wanted to be a writer instead of a politician, or when I moved to Florida instead of across town, and definitely not when I drained their bank account to afford to buy myself things. But lastly, I did not find love.

“Oh, you’ll find someone someday.” They say.

Let’s focus on the word ‘someday’ here for a moment.

I haven’t believed in love since my dad cheated on my mom with his receptionist. She was twenty-three. Yes, twenty-Three. And he is fifty-six. I mean sure, I guess that means my dad has got some game, and respectively he is a good-looking man. But I digress; nothing excuses his mistakes and nor did anyone forgive him.

That day was the day my brother left and moved into an apartment with his now ex-girlfriend and never heard from since. I have however heard that he is doing well, has good job that pays good money and is going to a great college. I’m glad he is happy and successful he deserves it.

Me? Not so much. Home is where the heart is but I can’t find sanity in staying there. HBO reruns and popcorn chicken made my days go by slow but I kept myself entertained with small things; organizing our DVD’s in alphabetical order, tuning my guitar, sneaking outside for a cigarette and occasionally I caught myself looking out the window at our beautiful backyard of wilting flowers and rusting garage.

I wish things were different. I wish my dad never left. I wish my mom could stop crying. I wish the sun stayed out more. I wish I didn’t have red hair. I wish I had a job. I wish I graduated with a higher G.P.A. And I wish I could forgive my dad. I can only help myself in so many ways. Were there not enough suffering families in the world that my family had to be one of them? I guess I wouldn’t classify it as a horrible tragedy, but I also wouldn’t go as far as to say we had it pretty easy because I sure as hell didn’t. But I guess that’s what life teaches you; it teaches you that not everything is going to go as planned, not every thing on your to do list is going to actually get done, and every single person will eventually let you down. But there is something great out there, and people will spend the rest of their lives looking for it. I mean, this is your life and it is ending one minute at a time. You just have to remember that sometimes the biggest of things have small beginnings.