Honestly I’m not sure if I should just keep holding on or let go. It’s stupid to hold onto something that just keeps hurting you, but it’s also stupid to let go of everything you’ve wanted.
Lines, thats all we are, lines in the sand of what makes us human. The skies scream for us to look at it, but we are too blinded by the thirst for money, power and beauty. I don’t remember the last time i got a good nights sleep, sleep is just the absence of you. consciously closing my eyes and knowing you are not there makes sleeping non existent, almost like you. gone. gone before the day turns bright and gone long enough to make sure it stays dark forever. you’re the kind that leaves imprints on peoples lives, changes them, makes them grow into another supreme being of their former self. but why can’t i change? this devil defines who i am and these devils will end up killing me. let go of the past they say, and then what? look towards the narrowing and less promising future that no longer flashes in my direction. have we gone mad here? has the whole world forgotten sanity, forgotten the very place we set our foot when we walk defines so much in such a small detail. and those small details are what make us human.
We are the blank pages that fill up with coffee spills instead of pen marks.
We are the blank pages that create loneliness instead of creativity.
We are the blank pages to a notebook sitting untouched for years.
We are the blank pages that are torn out.
We are the blank pages that never express a love story.
You are the blank page I will never write about.
And I am the book.
There is a war raging in my mind and it wont let me sleep, it wont let me be happy and it wont let me move on. The mental block is as permanent as his leaving, as permanent as the scar he left. I can’t hear the birds singing anymore, just flying away, and the breathing of this house is leaving me breathless. I am suffocating in this water and you are watching me drown, I am gasping for air and you are the one holding me down. Let go. Let me go because this ride is going to end soon and you better be prepared to get off because this back and forth I have going on in my head is holding me back from being happy. You, are holding me back from being happy. How does that feel? Knowing you are the reason for my pain, the reason for my suffering. I blame you I hope you know; I blame everything on you because you promised me something and then ripped it out like you were shooting that gun. Shut your mouth and turn around because nobody else is coming close to me until I am sane again, and since you left me I don’t know when that will be.
I listen to her breathe, hear her heartbeat.
It takes a second for it to freeze, and then start back up again.
No one knew why she was there, she barely knew herself.
But the phone kept ringing, and her tone kept changing
and we watched her disappear.
She was silent,
In bed and everywhere else.
Starting a few hours ago, I got dumped. For the second time, just under different circumstances which right now are unimportant, but what is important is the fact that all these preconceptions of what love really is, it’s all bullshit. And we’re going to spend the rest of our small, pathetic lives looking for something that isn’t actually going to live to its full potential. And that scares me a little bit. I want a fairytale, someone to sweep me off my feet and carry me away to this fairy tale land where fairy tale things happen and we all live happily ever after. That’s probably asking for too much, but since when do I ever get anything I want so give me a dream that comes true for once. I want a guy to stand outside my window in the rain; asking me to be his girlfriend. Or a guy to just on a whim, ask me out on a date and just takes me to the worst place ever but it’s great because neither of us have been there but we love each others company. Okay picture this, I’m at school, sitting on the patio outside when someone says, “hey” from across the way and walks over to me, keeping eye contact and sits across from me and strikes up a conversation. But guys don’t have that confidence anymore, and I sure as hell don’t.
come on, just look up and say something for christs sake.
These are some moments I wouldn’t dream of forgetting.
But will always dream of having.